The Same Old Road

OK I admit it, I made it 5 weeks than I caved in.  Yep, I did what I said I wasn’t going to do.  I sent an email to my previous boss and inquired if there was any opportunity to work part-time from home.   Now I just want to slap myself for doing this.  I have some free time now and boredom started setting in last week and I wrote the email and sent it.  When I left the end of August the accolades and the compliments were never-ending and even as far as they wanted me to stay on longer and would definitely consider me helping out part-time.   So the first time I get bored I send the email.  I didn’t even last until the end of the year.  I disappoint even myself.  I knew this wasn’t going to be a permanent retirement  but I sure expected it to last more than 5 weeks.

What’s ironic is that I got turned down.   If I didn’t go down this path I would always wonder if the opportunity existed, and possibly regret never pursuing, but now that I did, I feel that my road has been cleared and I’m ready to look forward to find new and different opportunities.  It’s always easy to fall back on something you know than to tackle something new.  It takes more effort, and is more stressful, but once you make a decision you shouldn’t look back but find your something new.  One of the things I talked about when I decided to quit that if and when I went back to work I wanted to try something new, be adventurous, spread my wings, take on new experiences, sounds good doesn’t it, but harder to implement.  It is so easy to just do what you know and forget what you are really striving for.  If I go back to doing the same thing, I might as well have stayed at my previous job, endured, and kept bringing a paycheck home.

I’m a little nervous and scared that I’m not going to find that something new, so instead of giving it a chance, I immediately fall back on the familiar.  Right now I’m aggravated with myself because I expect more of myself.  So now that I slapped my hand, pulled myself up by the boot straps, holding my head high, I’m going to put the past behind and only consider new opportunities.  I always think of the Robert Frost poem “The Road not Taken” when I get melancholy because that is where I am now.  I can keep going down the familiar road, the safe road, the road that is the easiest, but deep down that’s not what I want.  I want excitement, I want to invest myself into something that I can grow and develop with, I want to be able to go do a job that I enjoy doing each and every day, and I want to come home smiling.

It will come, whatever “it” is.  I ‘ll figure it out sometime, but it’s just not the right time, but I know the right time is out there.  I just don’t think it’s where we’re living right now.  I haven’t written about this yet, as I am truely superstitious and was waiting until we got farther along, but we’re moving!  That’s a whole new road that can’t get here fast enough and will talk about next time.  Until then I hope the road you’re on is the road you’re happy to be on,  Happy trails.

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